HELP MY UNBELIEF

I built a fence then shut the gate,

I sealed and barred the doors,

I checked each window yet again,

Then curled up on the floor.

I wanted neither neighbor,

Nor friend, nor family,

To share my pain and bitterness,

And offer sympathy.

My sullen pride I nurtured,

My wounded heart I nursed,

My stricken spirit cowered,

Believing I was cursed.

I fought the many specters,

Of a past once steeped in sin,

Well-deserved my desolation,

And the loss of peace within.

Capricious as quicksilver,

The promise of my youth,

Was gone before I savored it,

Just like the morning dew.

I lost my childlike innocence,

Dreams spun from fairy gold,

Were ground to dust and ashes,

Reality was cold.

I long to have a Savior,

I long to have redress,

I long for new beginnings,

I long for happiness.

I do not know the Father,

I know little of His Son,

How then can I be pardoned, 

For all the wrongs I've done?

All I need to do they say,

Is kneel to Him and pray,

"Lord Jesus, please forgive me,

Wash all my sins away."

Lack of faith and grievous sins,

Have brought me endless grief,

If You can hear me, Lord, I beg You, 

Help my unbelief!

Myra D'Souza - 1st November 2009 /

Revisited 20th February 2021